More than once in our lives we are going to get our feeling hurt. Sometimes it’s a small, but happens often. Sometimes we get our feelings hurt so bad we get physically ill. Some people will go as far as sacrificing time with a loved one because they had their feelings hurt by a third person who’s company can’t be avoided. Living happy is already a challenge, so when we get our feelings hurt you just want to avoid those people. Instead of feeling the hurt, feel the intensity of its impact on you. You choose the feeling. Healing with hurt feelings is possible. Change your hurt around.
Healing with hurt feelings
Wouldn’t life be so much easier without hurt feelings? Well, maybe. But I believe that hurt feelings can also provide a powerful opportunity for self-awareness and healing. If outer reality is a reflection of inner reality, then when hurt feelings show up, we can take the opportunity to ask ourselves what has been suppressed and unexpressed. If in my outer world there is something that produces hurt and pain, then there must be something inside me that is still unresolved. The question then becomes what to do with hurt feelings when they show up, and what can we learn from them. The theme of this blog series and of my new book is how to use everything that life puts on our path as a way to unbind our hearts. Hurt feelings can then serve as a tunnel, through which we can come to the other side to the freedom of our heart.
Here are the some of the ground rules to deal with hurt feelings that can help:
1. There is nothing wrong with you because you have hurt feelings. We all get them. They are a part of life.
2. There is nothing wrong with your hurt feelings. They have a right and a reason to be there.
3. They need to be expressed. It’s not the hurt feelings themselves that cause long-term pain and issues. Keeping them bottled up is what causes problems, in ourselves and in our relationships.
4. They need to be accepted. Judging ourselves for having hurt feelings only makes things worse. By coming into acceptance, we can more clearly see them for what they are and learn from them.
5. We have a choice to let them go. We don’t have to let them run our lives. We can accept them, learn from them and then move on.
The first step to coming into acceptance of our hurt feelings is to take ownership of them and not blame someone else. No one else is responsible for our feelings. We are responsible for our own. To say that someone else “hurt my feelings” is to give our power away. It is saying to yourself that another person has the power to make us feel a certain way. Not true at all. It is only so because you say so. It’s more accurate to say, “In this particular situation, I allowed my feelings to get hurt,” and to be in the driver’s seat.
But I believe that hurt feelings can also provide a powerful opportunity for self-awareness and healing. If outer reality is a reflection of inner reality, then when hurt feelings show up, we can take the opportunity to ask ourselves what has been …
Just remember you are more powerful then your feelings. Hurt feelings can be there, you can feel them in your stomach, but you don’t have to hate. Start healing with hurt feelings by listening to what they are saying. They exist and they hurt. Accept the hurt, forgive the hurt then let the hurt go.